feeling safe

I have one friend, who has always been able to make me feel safe. It wasn’t on purpose, I don’t seek them out when I’m uncomfortable or look for them if there’s a physical threat, but for some reason the knowledge of their presence can almost always make me feel calm. We used to stay out in London late and explore unfamiliar places and looking back on those times I realise that we didn’t take as much precaution as we probably should have, but the friendship was intoxicating enough to mask any possible hazards - immersing our brains in feelings of safety. I wouldn’t really say me and this person are friends anymore, yet every time I see them when we’re out, I can’t help but feel safe. It’s strange how we associate a feeling with a person, how somebody who I haven’t been friends with in such a long time can still provide such a pure and intense form of comfort.

When I was younger, safety was more a practical thing than a feeling. I never realised that the safety and security I felt was more often due to the presence of my parents than being in an actual ‘safe’ environment. As I’ve gotten older, and the relationship with my parents has changed, the thought/ presence of them no longer provides me with the comfort blanket that it once did. I know though, that they would protect me with their lives.

 I don’t understand why someone who is hardly involved in my life anymore can still make me feel safe. I’m not complaining though, just curious whether anyone else has that. I know the vulnerabilities of this person but those traits of their personality doesn’t touch that unwavering sense of safety, yet as I’ve gotten older I’m sure it’s the cracks in my parents facade of invincibility that has lessened the feeling of safety that I associate with them. Maybe it’s an innate feeling though, maybe we’ve evolved to find less safety in our parents as we age because bodies become weaker with age. I do still feel safe from my parents though, but a more practical safety. A safety that can be described and seen whereas this other safety is nothing but a feeling.