Brain Vomit About Reassuring

21 March 2018

I am, in no way at all, a strong person. I think I fit the definition of a cry baby perfectly. Insults sometimes don't sit well with me (depending on the way they're delivered, if it's just banter than go ahead I think I'm quite good at having the piss taken out of me) and in many ways I am not overly comfortable with myself. However sometimes 'reassuring' really annoys me. I feel fine with being comforted over some things, so if someone else were to insult me I would like to be reassured by my friends and what not but some things are just facts and it bothers me when people try to reassure me against them or when people try to deny things that aren't necessarily bad as an attempt to comfort. I don't get into an irrational state of rage or anything, but there are just some facts that can't be disputed, or even some things that don't need to be reassured about.

this photo has no relevance at all to the post
Don't get me wrong, reassuring is great and being a good friend is even better, but when it comes to comforting over something physical I think things can get a bit blurry in my case. There are some things that are just facts to myself and they may not be facts to you but to me they are and if they are a fact to me, chances are I've accepted them. However, when people try to tell me those things aren't the way they are then it sometimes makes me feel like I shouldn't have accepted that 'fact' and that it's a bad thing.  For example, I think I have quite a chubby stomach, I don't really care though as if I'm exercising and eating well it's not a problem as I'm healthy- but then when I make a passing comment about it sometimes people are so quick to try and deny the fact which can make me feel sad about having a little bit of chub because it makes it seem like it's a bad thing even though, as well all know, chub is perfectly normal. Obviously, some people insult themselves looking for compliments and in which case reassurance should be given because if someone needs a compliment then they need a compliment! Kind words can go a long way and all that. However, for a simple passing comment reassurance isn't always necessary. I think if someone does insult a part of their body it's hard to know what to do, because 'reassuring' can go either way. Who knew socialising could be so difficult!! I think it's best to provide comfort in things that aren't physical, just in case someone makes a passing comment that can make you a bit concerned its best to go for a compliment about their personality rather than their body. This makes no sense, hence the 'brain vomit' title aha.

On a similar note, if someone calls themselves unphotogenic- don't dispute it! I am unphotogenic, that is a fact of life. I can get some good photos after ages of trying and sometimes I am lucky enough to get a photo that looks nothing like me at all in a glorious way. However the majority of the time I don't come across well in photos. My face becomes wonky, I actually have to practice smiling for photos because as soon as there is a camera it's like my natural muscle memory of a smile fades and my face weirdly contorts into a grimace no matter how great a time I'm having. I haven't mastered the art of working my angles (unfortunately) and it can be annoying as it seems to ruin many group photos/attempts at capturing a memory but it's no bother really. Even if I'm not unphotogenic and I do look exactly like I do in real life in photos which I think look terrible, don't tell me I am photogenic because Jesus Christ I do not want to be looking like that in real life!!

Enjoy the brain vomit, just some thoughts I wanted to share. It can be hard comforting people but I think moral of the story is never go against someone who says they are unphotogenic and that sometimes it's best to refrain from comforting about physical things. Another moral- if someone insults their physicality just call them healthy, even if they're not (lol) as who doesn't want to look like the human embodiment of pure health!? But then again sometimes it is good to dispute peoples complaints about themselves, good luck figuring out when to do that lads. The stress of growing up!
(side note I have another post coming soon about my travels they just take me a while to sort ) 

12 comments

  1. I adored reading this post and completely agree!! I think we're all too scared of saying the wrong thing tbh, these days if someone is negative about themselves we're all so quick to say 'No you're wrong' when some times we just need to deal with the fact that in our own minds, we'll always be right! We all have insecurities and that is okay but society has made it out to be a 'bad' thing if we think this way when really its so natural to do so. People are just confusing with the words they say!

    Lucy Jane | Infinity of Fashion

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah god people are so bloody confusing- I wish double meanings weren't a thing and people just let us know what they really wanted as at this point in my life, if I don't put my foot into at least 3 conversations then it's probably not even a real day. I think more acceptance needs to be made though definitely when vocalising a thing about our bodies but it's just so hard to know what mindset/situation someone is in!! Ah god, difficult times

      Delete
  2. This was a v interesting read and I've found myself doing the reassuring thing so much, it kind of feels like your natural response like as though an automatic move to cover up the insecurity??? SO true about what you said about it being made into a negative thing, I'd never really thought of it like that. If someone says "no you don't look ___", like you say, its sort of implying theres something wrong with curves/your body/whatever the insecurity is and maybe we should move to embrace them??
    Idk but this was an interesting read nonetheless x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's so hard to know though if someone wants something to be disputed or embraced!! This post came up with no resolutions to how to comfort anyone it's just such a AHH topic! I definitely always go for trying to cover up an insecurity that someone speaks about, rather than pointing out the fact there is no reason for it to be an insecurity. I wish there was a guide on what to do to be honest, but then again everybody is different! Thanks g x

      Delete
  3. I always feel awkward when people say things bad about themselves because I always feel like they're fishing for compliments so I don't really want to give them at that point. Is that bad to say lol...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nah it's not bad- some people definitely are fishing and it's so hard to know when someone actually needs some kindness or when they're just looking for some compliments (if that makes sense?). Honestly, just growing up- I don't like it!! Not one bit! Things get too confusing

      Delete
  4. Dude I so relate to the point about being unphotogenic. Like, I would say that I am photogenic - if I've taken the photo myself, with the angles I know that work and lighting that flatters. If someone else takes a photo of me then you can bet that it'll be awful. Like I'm the same, I completely forget how to smile and do a little grimace, which honestly I don't think I do IRL if it's not in a photo or not as a reaction to food I've cooked.

    Amy;
    Wandering Everywhere

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. To be honest, I think photos just suck in general. They're too hard to pose for, I'm waiting for the day that I know what angle works best for me tbh! (also your grimacing at food comment made me chuckle) x

      Delete
  5. WOW. This is some real shit. I have to be honest, I suck at looking good at pictures. But who really cares?
    you have such an awesome blog! omg i love it! I'm following and I would love if you could visit my blog and maybe follow me too :)

    TheNotSoGirlyGirl // Instagram // Facebook

    ReplyDelete
  6. Ugh same, i am SO unphotogenic. Sometimes I'll look in the mirror and think I look decent for once so I'll try and take a selfie, but I look about 10x worse in the photo haha!
    Aleeha xXx
    http://www.halesaaw.co.uk/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's always the way things work, but my friend said yesterday at least people are pleasantly surprised when they meet you in person then if you're unphotogenic! x

      Delete

Thank you for commenting! I read them all and try my best to always reply x

© Libby-Jade. Design by FCD.