cha cha changes

19 September 2018

I used to think I thrived off change, but over the course of my gap year I have discovered I hate change. I love familiarity too much, I hate adapting to the newness of anything, I don't know whether to ease myself in to new things or just throw myself in but at the end of the day it doesn't matter what I do because I'll never like change. The change may be for the best, but I am a goblin who craves understanding and knowledge but despises the process of getting to either of these mental states. It's silly though because change is inevitable, good and bad things happen. I need to move on, I know that, but not only am I stubborn in my hatred of change, I'm also a wuss so I don't think I'll be accepting change with open arms any time soon. I had the realisation the other day though of how many things have changed in my life (obviously) and how much my mentality has changed towards some things and with the big ol' change of university literally sprinting towards me I figured I needed to reflect on some of the good things that have changed in my life.



-drinking iced coffee and not caring about the calories. or slightly caring but ignoring that. To be honest, this is a good change, but also bad because I definitely drink too much iced coffee
-wearing risqué things, yeah it depends on the company but who cares
-talking to more people, feeling less shy. I'm worried that my old shyness/scaredness will become more and more prominent when I start university but I think through recognising the ways I have changed in confidence and what not means that even if I do become socially inept, I won't be quite as inept as I once was.
-become more adventurous. I've gone to gigs that before I would've avoided out of fear for 'not being cool enough', I've said 'to hell with work' and let my nights out continue, I've braved talking about my feelings more, I've taken the walking route more often, I've not listened to my brain when it told me I couldn't do certain activities with certain people.
-stopped forcing myself to finish books if I wasn't enjoying them, some classics are just not destined to be read by me! (calling out Lolita here)
-became less focused on exercise and more focused on having a good time
-started to challenge some of my thoughts (if any of you struggle with unhelpful thinking look into cognitive restructuring)(hard to always do but it's a good one)
-absolutely flourished in the art of being a wine mum
-started doing my own laundry (a big change that will serve me very good at uni)
-made new pals, lost some pals, become better pals with myself
-started swearing like an absolute maniac- it's awful but I just can't stop. In typing this post my head is automatically throwing in 'fucking' and a lot of other words but luckily my hands are able to refrain from the profanities, unlike my mouth

Unfortunately though, I entered this year thinking this will finally be the year I take better care of my skin, but alas, that is yet to happen. Maybe one day the amount of times I take off my makeup properly will outweigh the times I don't, but for now, I am still a lazy bitch who doesn't enjoy taking off their makeup and should definitely moisturise more than she does.

I know a lot more has changed, I just can't think of them right now. I don't know, I think I just needed help in calming down my whirring brain and through establishing some of these changes has reminded me that they've all grown from a change I have once feared. Although I can not stop my fear of change and the drowning questions of 'what if's' that often follow after the acknowledgement of change at least I am able to recognise the good that has come from many 'fearful' changes. peace out!

11 comments

  1. I suck with change as well to be honest, I almost try and ignore it whenever it comes my way these days! I also laughed out loud that you've flourished as a wine mum because I can honestly picture you as just that hahah!

    Lucy | Forever September

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  2. this made me laugh, especially the wine mom and the swearing (because dropping fuck into every sentence is my best/worst habit). Also YES for allowing yourself to drink iced coffee, I'm getting there with hot chocolate nd i'm full enjoying the realisation that enjoyment>brain fuck almost all the time. I resonate with the fear of the change of uni and i don't like that i can't picture how my life will be in 2 weeks BUT for both of us, this time 12 months ago was the biggest change we'd ever experienced and we got over it. And I think in many ways, because of all the ways you've grown and changed (as seen above!!!) and the things you've learned about yourself it'll be easier. Plus, we've done it before, so we can do it again. I'll be right by your side gal, as always xxx

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  3. I hope you don't get nervous at uni! just remember that pretty much everyone is new. nobody really has any idea about how to introduce themselves lol but just channel that confidence.
    also it definitely seems like you've changed a lot of things so far this year -- don't feel guilty about the things you haven't improved on yet! there's still like 6 months left in 2018.

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  4. I love this post so much Libby!! Being able to notice these positive changes should help when facing the thought of starting Uni at least, you know you can overcome change and no matter how little it is, it shapes into who you are meant to be. Change is scary and I don't think anyone is every prepared for it but I believe in everything happening for a reason and if its meant to be its gonna be. You do you and you're gonna be Leeds, honestly everyone up north is so friendly and doesn't really give a f*** about anything, you can swear to your hearts content, wear whatever you want, drink as much wine as ya want and people will still love ya!xx

    Good luck moving!!

    Lucy Jane | Infinity of Fashion

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  5. Hey, another gal who's stubborn about change here! Just to say that since coming to uni I've really learnt to embrace change and I think putting yourself in a really different environment will help you learn to love change even more :-)!
    Sarah x
    http://www.saraheliza.co.uk/

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  6. First of all I now have David Bowie's "changes" stuck in my head lol. And loved this post coz can totally relate!! Change is exciting but sometimes Im in denial about things changing coz I like things to be as I know them and comfortable. But I believe in 'everything happens for a reason' and I know changes are good even if they're scary at first! Hope you enjoy uni so so much!

    p.s. "absolutely flourished in the art of being a wine mum" love that so much ahahahaha

    Tasha x
    lovefromtasha.blogspot.co.uk

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  7. ooo i love the wine mom n swearing changes because BITCH SAME! its normal to be scared of starting school again, it is a big change. but u can do it!!! i believe in u!!! u've done all of these little changes which proves you're able to adapt, everything is going to be just fine <3

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  8. Such a candid post, I love it! I read the swearing bit for the first time as sweating so I was definitely a bit confused lol. Change is weird and it can be good and I think it really makes you re-evaluate yourself and what you’re capable of. Wishing you the best with the big ol’ university change. Lots of love <3

    eleanorclaudie.com

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  9. I loved reading this omg!! So true with swearing and heck i loved all the reflections
    http://sputniksweetheartn.blogspot.com.au/

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  10. I know what you are talking about, I also don't love changes but sometimes it's necessary and also a good thing.

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