Travelling Thoughts The Night Before I Go

This was written the night before I went away, but by the time this uploads I'll already be on a different continent. I don't feel as excited as I should. I feel pretty brain dead at the moment- which I'm thinking must be to do with nerves (despite not feeling nervous) but maybe my brain is blocking out all form of emotion to deal with some intense, unseen nerves and the only permitted feeling is tired.

I'm only going away for thirty days, or as I keep telling people '4 weeks and a bit' because it sounds longer, and for some reason people expect you to travel for ages whilst on a gap year- as if money isn't a huge barrier to that. I'm going by myself, but am meeting a group out there because I planned the trip with Gap 360- the trip I'm going on is called the IndoChina discovery and I go to Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam and Laos. I find comfort in the fact that the tour that I booked on to was fully booked, therefore meaning there will be a wide range of people so hopefully I will make some good friends. I don't get a list of the other people doing this and I'm not sure if that makes it better or worse- but I think better as it means no presumptions can be made. I know somebody else who went away with Gap 360 and made some amazing friends- I'm trying not to compare experiences but I really hope this happens for me. I was meant to go with a friend, but money was an issue and one night I just decided to book it. I also think it's easier to go by yourself in a way, as it means I can't get annoyed or anything.

At the moment I don't feel overwhelmed with excitement, but I can feel a small bubble of it in my chest. I'm just eager to get the first day over with, because my flight lands early and I don't have a contact number for my in land tour guide (which scares me a bit because I'm meant to have one). I don't know how I'll spend the day, but I reckon I'll be knackered and I'm hoping I can just stay in the hotel lobby. If not, I've heard the centre of Thailand is pretty westernised, so I can find comfort in something similar to home whilst alone. I do want to experience new things, but just not on my first day when everything will be so overwhelming. I'm most scared yet also most excited for Cambodia- I'm scared about crossing the border and because I think this country will bring me the biggest culture shock. But, I have a prepaid eVisa and will be with a big ol group of people, so it will be grand. There is so much history in Cambodia, and two people I know have told me it's their favourite place in Asia as well as (apparently) being filled with the friendliest people. I never thought other peoples words could bring me so much comfort, but before them another fear was that the people would intimidate me, but after hearing only good things that fear has now vanished!

I'm a bit ashamed, as I don't know the history for anywhere I'm going really. I plan on researching after I shower, as well as doing a few final packing touch ups. Writing this has been cathartic, the excitement in my chest seems to have swelled a little. That description makes it sound like it's an unpleasant sensation, but it's not.

I've scheduled some blog posts for whilst I'm away, but I can't guarantee how active I'll be- but if you leave a comment or anything I'll still see it and reply when I can. This feels strange, see you in March lads (as long as everything goes to plan aha)!