catch up catch up

10 August 2018

My catch up posts are usually to benefit me, I find it cathartic just to go over things that have happened in my life- go ahead call me a narcissist because that's what I am! Anyway, here is a butt load of things that have been on my mind lately and things that have happened in my life that I want to share.

background from here. |. me and my pup peevie, I'll get a better photo of my tattoo eventually 

-I got a new tattoo the other day. It's important to me for many reasons, as well as looking fucking sick. Nobody has asked me why I got it and to be fair if they did I would probably lie because it's personal to me but I like to overshare on my blog. To me, the tattoo signifies flourishing and blossoming and living a life with no boundaries. Although none of those things seem to describe my life at the moment, those are phrases I want to be able to apply to my life eventually.

-Everyday that passes I get more scared for university and more frustrated at the things I haven't accomplished on my gap year. I've seen a lot of posts talking about how summer is flying by and it's true, when I try to remember my summer all I seem to be able to think of is work and Rockwertcher. I don't want summer to be over. I don't think I'm ready to be a student or to make new friends.

-I've spent a lot of nights drinking and smoking, I've let my physical health plummet as the ratio of water I drink and ice coffee I drink become horrendously unbalanced but I'm taking a 'fuck it' approach. I enjoy being tipsy, I enjoy standing outside at night with the warmth of the day still lingering in the sky with a cigarette in my hand. It brings me a sense of blurred peace and in my drunken thoughts I'm able to remind myself that things happen for a reason and things should turn out okay.

-I found some medication that was really working for me, it was helping me function like a normal person without constantly being plagued by rotten thoughts, but now I have to come off that medication. I often seem to get the strange, rare side effects from medication so although the medication I've been taking has really been working for me all of a sudden my body is being a lil bitch. I'm scared of changing medication because it’s all mental. It’s all inside me. I can’t look at myself and see whether the medication is helping, I have to trust myself but so many of my thoughts and beliefs are untrue so it’s hard to know what to trust. I can’t just look at myself and see myself improving, I have to feel it but since the medication alters how I feel how will I know if what I’m feeling is right? If it’s good? Wacky scary stuff.

-Lately I have felt very blessed to have the friends I do. They are so open and without judgement in so many ways, I don't know how I survived when they were at university. I love being able to drive to my friends house at night just to sit in silence and watch a film with them. I love how encouraging they are, I love how I can tell them stories other people would make me feel ashamed for but they drink to these stories instead.

-I don't want to jinx it, but I've been working a lot and don't actually mind it. I never seem to have enough money to buy the things I want, but I think I may be too strict with my spending allowances/ too frivolous on nights out. I'm excited to go shopping next week though, bring on the cosy jumpers ready for winter!

Hope you're all having a fab summer x

9 comments

  1. Ahhh I didn't realise you got a new tattoo, now I'm absolutely dying to see it properly!

    Lucy | Forever September

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    1. I'm going to try and get a good photo once it's healed properly!x

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  2. Gurl Uni will be a blast don't you even worry! Everyone is in the same boat of not knowing one another. I'm kinda nervous to start but it'll be fine. So long as you're doing something you enjoy then you'll get so much out of it! Appriciate everyday even though the hard ones suck so much sometimes :/ you're lucky there's such a wicked blogging community to share and relate every little experience. 💛
    Louise ☺️

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    1. Thanks Louise- so true, so grateful for the blogging community!x

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  3. Love the meaning behind your new tattoo! And I think you'll do great at school and it's totally normal to feel anxious about big changes like that but I think you'll have a great time!

    xx Anika
    Theclosetchronicle.com

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    1. Ah thank you! Yeah I definitely need to stop letting the nerves consume me and start thinking about all the great things that should come out of it!x

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  4. Cant wait to see your tattoo properly, I got so excited on Twitter when I saw it!!! Think its 100% ok to take a fuck it approach to physical health sometimes, as long as it's not dangerous. My mum always goes on about the health industry and how when she was my age in the 70/80s they did whatever they wanted. Theres defo more pressure to be (or act) healthy, espec with social media. Uni will be amazing, it's always that horrible feeling of the unknown that gets me, but once your there you'll have a fab time. Hope the rest of the summers going well!! xox

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    1. That's so true about social media and health, also I am taking what your mum said on board- we're still young enough to be a lil bit unhealthy!!x

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