To Fill In A Gap Year: Not Much

In terms of my gap year, I feel like everything is going a bit tits up- although there were never any set plans to be able to go tits up. I feel strange today but I think that is just because me and Sundays don't mesh well. This past month has been very strange as well though, but there have been some really great parts.

I went to visit two of my very good friends at uni, friends came back from uni for weekends. It was fun. I got back into fitness. I met Katie which was absolutely lovely despite me figuring out how truly expensive some places are in London- usually if I'm out in London buying drinks I'm too drunk to register how much money I've spent.

I haven't progressed with many of my gap year aims, but I did manage to send off my UCAS. Although being the type of person I am, I entered my a-levels wrong which I have now fixed but I had to email universities warning them that I made a mistake and now I feel like that has really tainted my intellectual image, and my grades don't help. UCAS makes me sad as I was meant to get grades that opened doors for me as opposed to close them, so it's a relief to have sent it off and to no longer have to search for universities that accept my grades and also to not have an entire project that surrounds my failure- which isn't really a failure but it is hard to change an opinion.

a irrelevant photo but a photo where I was in a sweet oblivion

I keep postponing when I will begin on my gap year plans, mainly because I work so much. I'm not too sure I'm going to travel anymore, unless I get a surge of confidence and decide to go by myself. Either way I plan on earning as much money as possible before January (although I rarely do overtime to give me this extra cash) so if I do end up going somewhere I can afford it. I can't do Camp America anymore but maybe I just won't travel- I just hope my friend pulls through and we go to Thailand. We won't even travel properly but I am just so desperate to get away. But if I don't get away I can still quit my job and get a job with fewer hours and actually do something with my gap year. By that I mean become an embroidery queen, which I might try doing some of tonight but I've lost my needles. Oh wait something I have become better at is spontaneity, I quite enjoy plans and waking up in my own bed knowing what I am going to get done but this past month I have accepted late night cinema trips (although they are rare invites) and stayed out after nights out. I want to care less about routine and I am getting there!

I often make it sound as if I regret taking a gap year, but I don't at all- I just think the past few months I have found out a lot of things that have made me question a lot of relationships in my life. I often get shocked when people fit a cliche, but then I remember cliches and stereotypes were sometimes created for a reason so I shouldn't be so surprised when people live up to these expectations. Something that is filling me with a lot of happiness lately though is blogging friends and also my best friends and childhood friends. I've been fucked about by a few friends but woah baby do I love my true pals and I love blogging girls. Blogging is such a loving community and I forget how great it can be.

A random post, a rambling post but sometimes I feel the need to do posts like this to unblock my blogging brain- I was going to say just in general my brain but I am very fond of diary writing to empty my brain. But sometimes I just need to ramble on my blog. So huzzah!