human sunshine + wonderful people + feeling proud

24 August 2019

just a musing post.

(the ultimate ray of sunshine) 
I feel like I go on about this a lot, but I just don’t understand how there are some people who are so pure and good in the world. It is like these people just radiate sunshine, even their pessimism and sarcasm are bound up in goodness. They have an innocence that remains intact, despite having been exposed to the majority of what the world has to offer. There is a purity that remains within them. There is a need to protect them, to shield them from those who aren’t as friendly, who aren’t as good natured but also a knowledge that nothing would be able to dim the glow of goodness that is forever inside them.

 I don’t know if they’re rare to come by, but I know four people who I’m pretty sure captured a ray of sunshine when they were born. They are good and pure and fierce and loyal and intelligent and are just such good people. Sometimes I feel in awe of what their life will become, because such wonderful people will only be able to do wonderful things for the world. It sounds wet and lame, but we all know the sort of people I’m talking about. They are beyond nice, their negative traits compliment their good traits perfectly. They are just human sunshine.

The inclusion of such people in my life does not diminish how wonderful others are though. The past few days of my life have featured many a tube journey where I have forgotten my book, leaving me to entertain myself and I just can't get over how proud of some of my friends I am. I have told them of this pride, but one too many train journeys has made my heart swell so I have to let my blog be my outlet, because if I carry on gushing to my friends it will just seem insincere.

  • My boys played at a festival and filled out the motherfucking tent! I have seen the effort of this band and it made my heart glow finding out people outside of our social circle were also appreciating their music (link to their tunes) (ps - they are called Gold Beach) (pps - my fave tunes are Paris & See The Light)
  • My friend who dropped out of university due to not liking his course and coming back to study something else - it doesn't seem like that big a deal, but it is! Imagine the stress of having to tell people you are dropping out, of having to take a second gap year (whilst no other friends are home!), the fear of being two years older than everybody else (even though this isn't a fear he should have) and having to leave the amazing friends you had already made- stressful! Proud of him for making the right desicion
  • I don't know if I've mentioned it enough here but one friend has her play being performed at the fringe fest. Not only that, but it has received some amazing reviews. It is more than it's success though - to write something and have the courage to let others scrutinise it, to commit to such a project whilst handling university, frustrating friendships and every other stress life can throw at you is an amazing achievement.
  • My friend studying at Oxford University - the infamous Oxford! Oxford!! Just sometimes I realise the meaning of studying at Oxford, all the history it has, the struggle to get in, the intensity of the workload, it's fucking Oxford!!
  • My friend who went to France for two months over summer to work in a hotel in an attempt to improve her French- but the barvery! She went all alone to a remote village in France where nobody spoke English!
  • My friend making it through first year whilst always remaining positive, an absolute bundle of smiles of and joy and positivity despite losing her sister earlier in the year 

I feel proud of many things my friends do, but these have been on my mind the most lately. 

good entertainment / educational entertainment from yours truly

8 August 2019

Summer is here, and if you're anything like me you have absolutley fuck all money to be spending, and fuck all friends to be hanging out with anyway (side note - I do have friends just all of them are on holiday, thus my summer is largely being spent in a state of bitter isolation). Never fear though, you don't have to spend your days mindlessly watching TV because in my lifetime I have compiled a list of enjoyable entertainment that will leave you pondering over your life, your wellbeing, what love truly is, the way romantic love evolves within your life, what you need for happiness, how grown up you really were when you were 15 etc etc. However, the list does not stop there! I have enducational entertainment for you too, because the world is unjust in who it gives a voice. Basically, if you want to be filled with a bittersweet sensation/ want to have some pensive walks/ want to learn but not feel like you're learning, then this is the list for you!

Mid 90's - jonah hills directorial debut ! it's a stunning film, shot with nostalgia as the filming appears as though done on film camera, sometimes switching to the viewpoint of one of the boys camera. every shot is beautifu, the soundtrack is insane and the story line is gripping. It's about a thirteen year old boy trying to find a place where he fits in, him beginning to understand there is a world outside the way he sees it. I have a lot to say about this film, but am struggling to put it in to words. It is an amazing film, filled with nostalgia and will make you think of your own childhood. The film just feels honest.

watch if you :
- want to laugh and cry
- be left with a strange melancholic feeling
- see some beautiful shots
- see some sick skateboarding
- feel proud of Jonah Hill
- think about your own childhood, defining moments that made you grow up, think about the naivety of youth and the way we protect innocence

Everything I Know About Love - Pretty sure everyone knows about this book. I was late to the party, but apparently a lot of my friends were even later and now it is circling around my friendship group. 

Read if you:
- are feeling romantically lonely
- struggling with friendships/ jealousy within friendships
- you want to laugh
- you are struggling with your mental health a lil (encourages reaching out for help and also just is a lovely book about loving yourself and accepting yourself) 

What's it like living in China? with Scarlett Wang - Getting Curious - It gives an honest insight into life in China, speaking about the attitude towards drugs in China, what it's like being a teenager there and why certain sites are blocked, it talks about their elections and just so many things!  To be honest, I would list every Getting Curious episode here, each are so insightful and Jonathan is just a wonderful guy but this one just gave such an honest portrayal of a culture I knew little about. 

Listen if you
- Love Jonathan Van Ness
- Want to understand more about life in China
- Are tidying your room (I love listening to podcasts whilst tidying my room) 

Louis Theroux - Mothers on Edge - Maybe I'm bias because I am in love with Louis (who isn't though) but this was such an insightful documentary. It's about Mothers who struggle with their mental health after giving birth, but I found when watching it that although I know of post-partum depression, I didn't understand the full extent of it nor the many other things women can go through after giving birth. It's done in classic Louis style, not overly intrusive and very open and trusting giving you the best glimpse into these mothers lives and telling a story that is not often heard. It is a sad watch, but a watch everybody should give. Although it makes the concept of birth even more terrifying it will also give you a new appreciation of mothers.

Watch if you:
- are prepared to cry
- want to learn about the less glamourise side of parenthood / a side that is rarely spoken about
- have an interest in mental health
- want to feel proud of women
- are prepared to have a little crush on Louis (why is it seeing men with babies always makes me feel some kind of way)
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