Learnt Some More, Still Have More to Learn

Around this time last year I wrote a post about things I had learnt and things I still had yet to learn. In the beginning I freak out about the fact I will be 19 soon, and now here I am at 20 years old, freaking out marginally less about my age. A lot has changed since last year, I have felt a big dip in my creativity for reasons beyond my control and reading that post- seeing all the ideas I had and remembering the mindset I was in when I wrote it feels so alien to me. There is a numbness in my life at the moment, a resilience created by a medication that is just too much hassle to change. I put off writing this post because it made me sad seeing how much support I used to get on posts, how many ideas I used to come up with- age is meant to increase success rather than decrease it. That's not the way life has worked for me though, and things I cared about have taken a back seat. I'm not who I wanted to be at twenty years old. However, I will never be the self I have idealised. I may be disappointed at times, but other times I am sitting on steps with my friends smoking cigarettes and eating mini eggs to calm down from revision stress, or I am waking up late feeling fully rested. I am not wise, I have not reached an elevated status within the last year (not that I expected to) but I have lived another year and will continue to do so, therefore I may as well reflect on last years post/ create a new one so that I have something to look back on at 21 and think 'thank fucking god I had figured that out' (my reaction when I saw my point about Moroccan hummus xoxo)

disclaimer! if u ever want to buy me kettle chips don't be fooled by this pic, the blue flavour are my fave my friends just have no tastebuds 

things I have learnt...
-leaving things to soak is a great alternative to washing up properly
-there's no point in trying to change some peoples opinions of you
-people want to help you but you also have to help yourself
-sitting on a fresh bedding in clean clothes when you're just out the shower, bare foot with your legs crossed and the sunlight streaming in is a wonderfully peaceful feeling
-not all boys will be understanding when you say no to sex, but not all boys will behave like dicks either- never do anything you don't want to, the conversation isn't as awkward as you think it may be (and even if it is awkward it's your body, it's your choice)
-it is common knowledge that amount of teeth human adults have
-spots aren't limited to your teenage years
-the pain of a breakup doesn't last forever, and they aren't actually that awful a thing after a while, because you will grow as a person, as a partner and as a friend and that is a valuable experience that everyone has to go through
-even at home now that I am an old biddy I can't rely on my mum to buy me tampons
-boys who are hesitant about wearing condoms tend to be assholes
-how to appropriately leave a hook up without curtseying
-hoop earrings will always improve your appearance
-some people will find you strange, your constant singing bizarre and will look at you with wide eyes and nod their head slowly like you are a zoo animal. Abandon such people immediately because singing to yourself / singing rather than speaking isn't actually that weird and some people just have to grow up and smell the roses that singing is more fun than speaking. ( i put a full stop at the end of this one to highlight how strongly I feel about this)
-you will never stop feeling guilty for calling in sick to work even if they do ruin your self esteem
-gaining weight isn't bad because it makes your tits bigger
-gaining weight is just a natural part of life, if it were a bad thing it wouldn't happen
-hugging your friends and telling them you love them is always appreciated, even if they do react in disgust to your sentimentality
-good peanut butter is very expensive


things I am still yet to learn
-whether it actually is socially acceptable to have butter and peanut butter or whether thats all a myth those sick freaks who do it have been telling me
-how to stand up for myself
-how to stop being a crybaby
-where I can buy calypo shots from
-how to not worry about saying no to plans and feel comfortable in my friendships
-how to ask for the gluten free menu at a restaurant rather than getting my friend to ask for me because I have a deep fear of seeming greedy/ too annoying at restaurants
-how to flirt
-how to be honest about my feelings rather than coming up with elaborate lies on why i can't go out
-how to accept my relationship with certain people rather than let questions constantly penetrate the happy surface
-how to not be addicted to smoking
-how to communicate my annoyances rather than ending up in a brooding state of hatred for someone
-how to feel satisfied of where I am at.

Another year, more things learnt and more things I have become unsure of. I don't actually mind the fact I'm not a teenager anymore though. Although reading my old post made me feel a bit strange and a bit sad, I am filled with comfort that I was able to learn some of the things I didn't know before.

Last year I tried to follow the quote that we need to understand less and accept more. I still try to keep hold of this ideology, and have no new quote by my side for my twentieth year because I think I'm just going to try and be a little more optimistic. (quotes are welcome though and always appreciated, I actually feel a bit sad now that I don't have a quote for this year, please send me some)