To Florence

Something that is hard to do, but more common than I realised, is get over a still birth. You create all these memories for them. Christmas was going to be hectic because there would be two babies there (although River is growing up shockingly fast), at family gatherings River and Florence would be the only kids and would wreak havoc, Florence would have been absolutely spoilt when it came to toys - having Rivers old ones, all of my cousins friends kids (what a mouthful) old toys, and as the first baby girl in the family would have been the ultimate fashionista. We had already created the path for so many memories. It is strange as well because you have never met this person, they are a baby forever yet you've felt them kick in their mothers stomach and have heard stories of them rolling about, keeping their mum up at all hours of the night. Their life never left the womb, yet you've felt their existence and with all the imaginations of their future they do have a life. Just not a life you get to live with them. It is hard to mourn this little baby as an outsider, I don't know how my cousin copes.

It's a weird thing to mourn as well, because she was a person, but she wasn't, but she'll never be forgotten but I don't even know who this 'she' was, but I do because I know her parents and I know she would have been a kind, smart, athletic, funny kid with a huge heart. I think, mourning a baby requires a reliance on your foresight, you have to trust how you knew this little person even without officially meeting them.

To forever remember Florence, as an ode to my cousin and her partners bravery throughout this all we've got a blue butterfly for Florence.

In October me and some family members are running a half marathon  and raising money for Child Bereavement UK. Any donations would be much appreciated! Don't worry if you have no money now, not running it for a long time so I can wait for a donation xoxox

https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/libby-jade-harrisrpfhm201932753