'Oh Grow Up'

22 December 2019

A phrase I constantly end up thinking to myself is 'Oh grow up', however most of the time when I think this I am just being horribly unreasonable. I wouldn't have called myself a judgemental person prior to this year, but I have since realised that I am a ridiculous human being who repeatedly thinks other people need to grow up for merely having their own opinions, taste buds and thoughts. Despite knowing that I am being unreasonable and that I should let everyone live their lives how they want because at the end of the day these things don't actually affect me (that much) I still do think there are certain beliefs and values that people need to stop being such a big baby about and grow up.

my friend michael, who fits into a lot of the criteria below. also couldn't find any other photos that were remotley in tune with the current seasons so decided to embrace the closeness of Christmas rather than use yet another sunny photo 

Things I will roll my eyes at and think 'Oh grow up' at if you say them/ express them near me:

-Asking for no tomatoes. In some cases it's acceptable, but at the same time, in a hefty sandwich, with a lot of filling?? grow up and eat them
- Not liking coffee
- Not liking hot drinks
- Not liking to have the subtitles on whilst watching TV (it's not distracting and if you genuinely believe that it is, I believe that you have a poor attention span and are dumb) (also I really struggle to understand what people are saying via a screen so please just let me keep subtitles on)
- Monster Munch being a favourite flavour of crisp 
- People who express contempt at athletes foot (we're most likely all going to have it one day! Don't alienate me for having my time come sooner than you!)
- Level one mild cheese being someones preferred cheese (albeit I am mostly vegan and I know vegan cheese most closely resemebles this, but lets be real mild cheese is flavourless)
- Asking vegans / vegetarians how much money they would have to be paid to eat meat / animal products
- Telling me you think you might be intolerant to gluten (hun come to me when it makes your entire insides explode, not just when you get a little bit bloated from eating bread all week)(to be fair this is less of a 'oh grow up' than a simple 'idc')
- Not liking foreign films 
- Not finding lizards really interesting animals
- Pretending not to know people even when you do just to seem cooler (I didn't think this was a real thing until someone told me they done this the other day. The audacity!! How can people actually do this! Grow up and be respectful you turd bags)
- People who think rich people deserve all the money they earn 
- Not enjoying soup

(side not - purely satirical, but also kind of not. I do think people who have a vendetta against tomatoes need to grow the fuck up) 

Things I will never think 'Oh grow up to' just because I realised the other list made me seem a bit too hateful:

- Fart jokes
- Any form of toilet humour to be honest
- Horrendously mispronouncing words for the sake of humour (top tier humour in my opinion)
- Novelty slippers
- Getting excited about Christmas and birthdays
- Getting upset over little things (we all got emotions, as long as you speak about things there is no problem yo!)
- Not knowing something and asking for an explanation (some people have infinite amounts of knoweldge, others don't and those of us that don't know its always best to ask even if people think we have the knowledge of a five year old)
- Wanting attention (within reason) 
- Spongebob references
- Having way more sugars than acceptable in your hot drinks (listen, I'm just happy you're drinking them)
- Having a blankie or a teddy
- Not liking obscure flavours (in the above I seem a bit like a food snob, but I would never judge someone for not liking liqouirce. It's more just the principle of the above)

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