good entertainment / educational entertainment from yours truly

Summer is here, and if you're anything like me you have absolutley fuck all money to be spending, and fuck all friends to be hanging out with anyway (side note - I do have friends just all of them are on holiday, thus my summer is largely being spent in a state of bitter isolation). Never fear though, you don't have to spend your days mindlessly watching TV because in my lifetime I have compiled a list of enjoyable entertainment that will leave you pondering over your life, your wellbeing, what love truly is, the way romantic love evolves within your life, what you need for happiness, how grown up you really were when you were 15 etc etc. However, the list does not stop there! I have enducational entertainment for you too, because the world is unjust in who it gives a voice. Basically, if you want to be filled with a bittersweet sensation/ want to have some pensive walks/ want to learn but not feel like you're learning, then this is the list for you!

Mid 90's - jonah hills directorial debut ! it's a stunning film, shot with nostalgia as the filming appears as though done on film camera, sometimes switching to the viewpoint of one of the boys camera. every shot is beautifu, the soundtrack is insane and the story line is gripping. It's about a thirteen year old boy trying to find a place where he fits in, him beginning to understand there is a world outside the way he sees it. I have a lot to say about this film, but am struggling to put it in to words. It is an amazing film, filled with nostalgia and will make you think of your own childhood. The film just feels honest.

watch if you :

- want to laugh and cry

- be left with a strange melancholic feeling

- see some beautiful shots

- see some sick skateboarding

- feel proud of Jonah Hill

- think about your own childhood, defining moments that made you grow up, think about the naivety of youth and the way we protect innocence

Everything I Know About Love - Pretty sure everyone knows about this book. I was late to the party, but apparently a lot of my friends were even later and now it is circling around my friendship group. 

Read if you:

- are feeling romantically lonely

- struggling with friendships/ jealousy within friendships

- you want to laugh

- you are struggling with your mental health a lil (encourages reaching out for help and also just is a lovely book about loving yourself and accepting yourself) 

What's it like living in China? with Scarlett Wang - Getting Curious - It gives an honest insight into life in China, speaking about the attitude towards drugs in China, what it's like being a teenager there and why certain sites are blocked, it talks about their elections and just so many things!  To be honest, I would list every Getting Curious episode here, each are so insightful and Jonathan is just a wonderful guy but this one just gave such an honest portrayal of a culture I knew little about. 

Listen if you

- Love Jonathan Van Ness

- Want to understand more about life in China

- Are tidying your room (I love listening to podcasts whilst tidying my room) 

Louis Theroux - Mothers on Edge - Maybe I'm bias because I am in love with Louis (who isn't though) but this was such an insightful documentary. It's about Mothers who struggle with their mental health after giving birth, but I found when watching it that although I know of post-partum depression, I didn't understand the full extent of it nor the many other things women can go through after giving birth. It's done in classic Louis style, not overly intrusive and very open and trusting giving you the best glimpse into these mothers lives and telling a story that is not often heard. It is a sad watch, but a watch everybody should give. Although it makes the concept of birth even more terrifying it will also give you a new appreciation of mothers.

Watch if you:

- are prepared to cry

- want to learn about the less glamourise side of parenthood / a side that is rarely spoken about

- have an interest in mental health

- want to feel proud of women

- are prepared to have a little crush on Louis (why is it seeing men with babies always makes me feel some kind of way)

adios first year

Well lads, what can I say- first year was certainly a ride. One of the best rides. The transition from my uni home, to my original home is strange. Going to uni I became accustomed to things; I became accustomed to meeting my friend in the kitchen in the morning and telling each other our plans for the days over an essential cup of coffee, I got used to meeting my flat mate in the kitchen when I was making my late night cup of tea and catching up whilst he tried to cook his pizza without burning it (spoiler- it always burnt). I got used to nights starting late, the constant company, the comfort of knowing there are always friends around. Now coming home I have to stray from such normalities, I make my morning coffee alone, have to make my nightly cup of tea earlier than usual, nights have become earlier and lonlier as my best friends no longer live five minutes away. My original home isn’t all bad though, it is nice to be with family and it is easy to slip into old routines, but I miss university. I miss my friends, I miss the city, I miss the culture, I miss the learning. First year was a ride, but I had some absolutle bangin times.

highlights of first year
-going to a venue with only one toilet so everyone was peeing outside, and at the end of the night people were roasting marshmellows outside
- seeing avengers and walking around the cinema absolutley baffled as to where our screen was
- getting pep talks from my flatmate when the fear of exams became crippling
- mistaking an awful chest infection for something more sinister then going out for dinner with my friend to celebrate the fact i was healed with a
-seeing Mid 90s with my friend and recieving the text we need to get sweets whilst I was on my way (fuck yeah need, not want!)
-facemasks and cigarettes and wine after the gym with marta
- Sneaking back into our flat during pres
-getting too drunk when you just pop out for one
-Going to free jazz nights
-The group effort to hustle a deliveroo
-Ball season
-Galentines night
-Spending far longer in the park than intending to on summery afternoons (especially after the english exam- what a glorious park sesh that was)
-Late nigh library seshes with popcorn and chai lattes
-Relaxing in my friends kitchen whilst watching wacky Louis Theroux documentaries
-Saying the B word (best friends) to one of my best friends
-Drunkenly swiping through Tinder with my friend after nights out
-Playing banagrams
-Going to film soc the first time by myself and making new friends
-Trying to eat melting magnums at the park whilst surrounded by beautiful boys
-Early morning walks to the library with my flat mate
-Walking back from a house party whilst the sun and the birds were waking up
-A quick coffee and a catch up between lectures
-Watching my friend make a bib out of a towel so she could eat her soup without spilling it all over herself
-Getting lost in the club with my friend and spending the majority of the evening just us two
-Literally meeting all the people I did. I met the best people.

things I wish I learnt sooner
- my limits with alcohol
- to trust my gut, sometimes saying no to a night out is just what you need
- the importance of taking your mental health into your own hands
- A bar in the union has Articulate
- Not to tumble dry all my clothes (rip my favourite jumper)
- the importance of washing my bedding
-keep a washing up sponge seperate from everyone else (pretty sure the communal sponge had more bacteria on it than a festival toilet)

I just looked at my grades, despite them having been published for a while. People kept feeding me the mantra of not to take first year too seriously as it doesn't count and I think everyone should hold on to that mentality in first year. First year is about settling in, about making friends and learning about the new city you're a part of and you can't do that when entirely immersed in your studies. It's interesting seeing my grades, I can fully see how much my nerves effect me (doing the worst on the exams I actually cared about despite preparing massivley for them, and doing the best on an exam I did not give two shits about). I'm looking forward to second year, to buckling down and striving for the grades I really want to get now that I have found my footing in Leeds.

It's funny because I always used to think I was a loner. I love my home friends but I was always happy with time alone. Since university though something has changed and I don't know what exactly, but I want to be around people, I want to chat to people and I'm not so afraid of meeting new people. University man- good memories, good changes, good people, what more could a girl want!

the realisation of maturity

shout out to my dad for giving me his old fancy camera, I have no clue how to use it but get ready for some dank pics when I do ! 

I feel like things keep happening in my life at the moment that remind me that I am maturing. Not even growing up, but maturing. In a seemingly normal 24 hours of my life, four things happened that made me realise I am growing the f u c k up:

•  I found out my friend has chest hair (a completely normal thing for most boys my age, just surprised me, then I was surprised at my surprise, and then surprised at the fact that chest hair on my friends isn’t meant to be a surprise for me anymore)
• My friends sixteen year old sister spent hours on the phone talking about clothes 
• An old friend posted a new Instagram 
• A boy at work (who had turned 18 but a mere two weeks ago) tried to hit on me 

Woah Libby we get it, you’re 20 now! No longer a teenager! Get over it! You see, I can’t get over it though. I am an overthinker. Things don’t just happen in my life. Everything lingers on my brain for longer than it should, there is no happening moment in my mind-  just a constant blur of past and present. Therefore, I can’t really seem to get over it. So here we are again!

I seem to be constantly noticing things that set me apart from younger people. On a regular basis I catch myself thinking how young some people seem, but when I was sixteen I did not feel that young. I didn’t even recognise how much I had changed until my work life surrounded me with 18 year olds and I found myself constantly noticing the difference in maturity. Well differences, but also similarities. When the younger boys at work make crude remarks, or throw in offensive words they look to me confidently, as if to assert a maturity and confirm that they are now able to say such words. It’s funny though, because me and my friends use equally as vulgar language (all in good jest dw) but there is no sneaky looks aside afterwards to clarify that everyone heard the dick joke they just made, there is no laughs afterwards at the swear word used. Things have just become accepted now. The humour doesn’t stem from hearing the swear word, but from the way it’s used. Flirting is different now, conversations with friends are different now, everything is different now because there is no hidden desire to be older, the need for acceptance has lessened and just everything has changed, but not really, but it has. It hasn’t changed, so much as morphed into something more natural.

It’s strange acknowledging your own maturity, because you just grow up and mature and so does everyone around you. It all happens invisibly, at least for me it did, until a normal moment triggers a thought of how sophistacted you seem, or of how strange it is to be having such an adult conversation creating an abrupt feeling of misplaced maturity, except it is not misplaced at all. Then there is also a strange feeling of grown up-ness when I am around friends from secondary school who I only see intermittently. I once used to spend every day with them, and I loved them and cherished them then I see where they are now and they are vaguely recognisable but so unfamiliar as well. They’ve achieved the same level of ‘growing up’ as me, but I haven’t seen the development, and then it becomes hard to process the new people they have become, because the memories of them that form who they are in my head aren’t the same as the reality. It is strange.

What is equally as strange is that the boys I am friends with are now able to grow attractive facial hair, rather than wispy moustache and patchy beards. Or is it even weirder that I am now able to appreciate facial hair? I don’t know! All I know is, we’re all growing up which is cool and great but fuck me I find it weird to see friends at twenty, when I haven’t actually seen how they have become this twenty year old.

Love Island is Wank

I used to need to be liked. I didn't want to bring things up and have my friends roll their eyes at me, but I am just too angry at the world. I know I am young and un-influential, but I have a lot of beef at the world and need to get my beef with Love Island off my chest.

I'm not really in the loop with Love Island, I would watch the odd episode now and then when my sister was watching it but from what I've picked up from the show is that they're not supportive of feminist movements. The show encourages bitchiness and nastiness between contestants, otherwise it's labelled as boring, but fuck me- there is barely any love in the world nowadays. The last thing that the world needs is a TV show that runs on gossip and villainizes ordinary, good people. The show shits on the concept of girls supporting girls, as an audience we're encouraged to pick sides/ favourites, they add in new girls to create drama and it  just doesn't show the sort of female interaction that should be shown on television.(ladies we live in a patriarchal world, we got to be there for one another am I right or am I right xx). Moving on from this, the show doesn't encourage emotionality within male friendships. It turns male friendships into 'bromances' which is funny and fine, but we're all aware of suicide being the leading cause of death in young men, yet we mock situations where men show vulnerabilities in their friendships? Seems a bit dumb if you ask me. I know it's not only Love Island that creates a farce out of male friendships, but the show is so desperate for laughs that they seem to erase all forms of genuineness in the boys emotions, but society is so fucked up now we can't afford for shows that dominate the media to be focused only on humor...especially humour that maintains toxic expectations for men.

(if you want to read more about my opinion of men / male friendships you can have a look here) 

Also, peoples reaction to the show is vicious. I've already seen a Facebook post passing judgement on the contestants personalities by their appearance. I refuse to accept it when people tell me to just let these people have their fun. Can we stop normalizing the complete judgement of people by their appearance? It infiltrates our perception of the normal world. We shouldn't encourage judgmental behaviors, we shouldn't teach young people it's okay to make assumptions off someones appearance. 

This show makes money off the talk , it wants us to judge, to joke, to insult, but to this I say - no!! 

It is honestly nothing more than a recipe for sadness and life-long self esteem issues. It teaches you you are nothing more than your appearance, that people will always scrutinize you until they find your flaws and also coaxes us into thinking that it is okay/ expected of us to scrutinize others. This show and our reaction to it normalizes superficiality and it is so fucking dumb!! We spend so much time promoting self love, advocating for body confidence just for summer to be dominated by a TV show that is fueled by malicious gossip and judgmental behaviors. 

Do we discuss the lack of diversity? The token black contestants, because the show can't be slandered for being racist since they have a few people of colour in the villa. Do we mention the lack of Asian people on the show? Is it because they don't want to be part of such a malicious and toxic show, or is it because the show wishes to carry on the disgusting white superiority complex? It is a show for beautiful people, those who are above average in every sense of the word yet the beauty that partakes in the show is how beauty would have been defined decades ago. My friend was asking me earlier if I had seen the 'curvy girl' of this season. The curvy girl. THE CURVY GIRL. Aka, the girl who is an average weight, the girl who isn't as toned as the others yet still has an idealized  figure. Also... the girl. The one girl- don't worry guys, they have at least one contestant who isn't entirely modelesque therefore it can't be called out for being fatist. I haven't seen the contestants for this year, but I'm assuming they all have bodies that are outside the norm. When can we begin to normalize some chub? Show boys with soft bellies, girls with small boobs, people whose arms wiggle when they dance. Eating disorders ruin lives, and once they've effected you they are sort of there to stay. Here's some numbers for you just to put it into persperctive:
-90% of teenagers are unhappy with their body
-Only 46% of people who experience an eating disorder fully recover
-Anoroxia has the highest mortality rate out of all the psychiatric disorders.

 The show continues the idealization of a body type that is unattainable to most - showing people who can afford nutritionists/ personal trainers/ plastic surgery/ people who just naturally have a desired figure. Kudos to the contestants for achieving such a body, but the show warps our understanding of bodily normalcy. It is not the cause of the problem I know, but it does not help. Summer is a hard time for most, the concept of a  'beach body'  still exists and this show does nothing to challenge that, but it should. The mental state of the general public is too fragile to have a show dominate the media that does nothing to support body issues/ male vulnerability / women supporting women. 

One final thing, the most outrageous of them all, is that the show triggers mental health problems within ex-contestants. It may not have entirely been the show, perhaps there were some underlying issues (I'm not fully aware of the whole thing) but I know some ex- contestants have spoken up about developing mental health difficulties/ mental illness since leaving the show. Also, Sophia Gradon, her boyfriend Aaron Armstrong and Mike Thalassitis committed suicide, all having direct links to the show. Suicide isn't something anyone comes back from, once you experience the suicide of a loved one it will haunt you forever. I am blessed to have never experienced it, but I know people who have and it seems like the sort of heartbreak that can never truly heal. Suicide is awful, it just is so awful and we should be doing what we can to prevent it. If it's not enough that the show has been linked to mental illness, surely it is enough that it has been linked to suicide- a preventable, untimely death. If there were a show that caused critical physical harm to contestants it would be cancelled, yet debilitating mental illnesses and suicide? Not a problem apparently. (would like to take this time to shout out to the government and the media for still not taking mental health seriously and the NHS mental health cuts that are destroying lives xx u guys suck xxx)

But for real, it is about time ITV invested in heartwarming, uplifting TV shows. If you want a drama, go and watch a drama that doesn't put everyone's mental wellbeing at stake. We're in a mental health crisis. We can't afford to be dismantling the concept of self love for the sake of entertainment.

me, feelin happy last summer. don't need love island to have a good summer! I had had a twister, hanging with a mate, having a good time void of Love Island

Not to shit on everyone's fun but Love Island is an actual piece of wank and defending it as a source of entertainment is wank. Watch Gilmore Girls, watch Mr. Robot, watch Gavin and Stacey, watch a show that won't make you pinch your chub in the mirror, a show that doesn't encourage the macho male stereotype. Or if you do watch the show, just be aware of the toxicity that radiates from it and know:
- Not to compare yourself to the people on the show.
-Not to judge the contestants of the show too harshly- it is snippets of their day, manipulated to make it more entertaining and scandalous to watch.
-They're real people who have feelings and vulnerabilities. Words hurt. 

My anger isn't directed to people who watch it, it is directed at those who cast it, who manipulate it to villanise and heroise and mock the contestants, who only care for entertaining the public rather than their well being.

That is all. Peace x 

To Florence

Something that is hard to do, but more common than I realised, is get over a still birth. You create all these memories for them. Christmas was going to be hectic because there would be two babies there (although River is growing up shockingly fast), at family gatherings River and Florence would be the only kids and would wreak havoc, Florence would have been absolutely spoilt when it came to toys - having Rivers old ones, all of my cousins friends kids (what a mouthful) old toys, and as the first baby girl in the family would have been the ultimate fashionista. We had already created the path for so many memories. It is strange as well because you have never met this person, they are a baby forever yet you've felt them kick in their mothers stomach and have heard stories of them rolling about, keeping their mum up at all hours of the night. Their life never left the womb, yet you've felt their existence and with all the imaginations of their future they do have a life. Just not a life you get to live with them. It is hard to mourn this little baby as an outsider, I don't know how my cousin copes.

It's a weird thing to mourn as well, because she was a person, but she wasn't, but she'll never be forgotten but I don't even know who this 'she' was, but I do because I know her parents and I know she would have been a kind, smart, athletic, funny kid with a huge heart. I think, mourning a baby requires a reliance on your foresight, you have to trust how you knew this little person even without officially meeting them.

To forever remember Florence, as an ode to my cousin and her partners bravery throughout this all we've got a blue butterfly for Florence.

In October me and some family members are running a half marathon  and raising money for Child Bereavement UK. Any donations would be much appreciated! Don't worry if you have no money now, not running it for a long time so I can wait for a donation xoxox

https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/libby-jade-harrisrpfhm201932753