A Rambling Post

I have so many saved blog posts ideas but none are complete and for some reason the past few weeks I have found it so hard to write. I think I need to get the rambles out of me so that I can write something worthwhile. I also keep missing daylight- I leave for work whilst it's still dark and when I come home it's dark all over again. This is a strange feeling as the only moments of light I experience are when I go outside briefly during my lunch break, as I don't have much reason to leave the area of my office.

The past few weeks have been weird, but I blame the strangeness for last weekend on the fact me and my boyfriend broke up. I wanted to write a blog post about how to get over a breakup, but it would be like me trying to teach someone how to ride a horse. Fuck knows. But to be fair, I am getting there. I'm also struggling with the amount of hours I work, as it doesn't leave much free time for me to actually go about my gap year ambitions. I have been writing more, though not creatively. I think any form of writing is good though as it's good to capture emotions in the moment so that if I'm ever writing I can use snippets of these wanderings from my mind which are honest and raw.

I think in some way I have made some progress for my gap year as writing is getting somewhere and me and my friend are planning on travelling. Whether it happens or not is another story, but it's a nice thought. I want to do Camp America but time is slipping away- I need to get a note from my doctors but I have had no spare time. My days off are filled with me going to visit friends at university which is really lovely to be fair. I just really love my friends and seeing them in an environment which is only going to better them makes me happy. Funnily enough though it doesn't make me jealous seeing my friends there. University is weird to me as I want to go but part of me doesn't. I'm not sure if it's the fact I'm probably not doing the most worthwhile degree, nor am I overly good at English. I'm placing it purely on the fact I enjoy reading books and articles about books and that when I understand novels better I may be able to write one myself. Then I'm clouded by self doubt though and the fact that loads of people have this dream and what makes me any better than them? Not much. In fact- very little as I never write creatively. I'm a babbler, not a story teller.

My head is filled with so many things I want to do but something is always stopping me. Very minor things may I add as right now I'm too frustrated at the fact I have a messy room to do anything productive. I might write a list and write in my notebook, I bought a notebook to help document things- not act as a diary though. I find typing my thoughts more fun than writing because when I'm writing I begin to scribble and it becomes incoherent and my hand begins to ache. When I type though, my fingers can keep up with my thoughts, meaning nothing will ever go unsaid.

My plan for this week are to pick up my disposable pictures, get some photos printed, find either a Spanish or writing course. This reminds me someone commented on my blog who I never replied to. I usually do reply, I think it's just because I've been a lazy mess lately. But not for much longer. I think the first step to get over this is to tidy my room. Adios amigos!