second year sweetness + suckiness

I'm not sure if I was warned about how difficult second year is, it is highly likely I heard the warnings and subconsciously chose to ignore them to save myself from having to worry about it- but fuck me is second year difficult. I'm not sure what it is, but the added pressure of marks counting and the search for placement years certainly doesn't help. There also seems to be a lot more romantic drama this year, we've reached an age where we're willing to get hurt in the hopes of experiecing a glimpse of love but when the hurt happens, no matter how big or small, it creates a crisis in the fear of never getting to experience all that love that relationships have to offer. There is also friendship complications that seem to have appeared out of nowhere, people going against basic rules of friendship and basic rules of respectability. The only good thing is, we're all adults now. We value conversation above pent up angers and we genuinely do not have time for people we don't want in our lives, so there is no risk of fake friendships. We also all love another enough to not let such trials disturb the prospect of forever in our friendships. In saying all this, my semester has sounded very dramatic, but it is far from it for me personally. My biggest drama has been finding out I'm not as smart as I thought I was and trying to use dissapointment as a motivator rather than a prover.

I am more excited for next semester, mainly because I hope to get better grades. I also plan on doing more, I'm a peer reviewer for a journal released by Undergraduates, I hope to write for the University newspaper (mainly for CV purposes) and I just hope to do more academic things to help lessen this fear of the future and hopefully erase all concerns I have about the point of an English Literature degree. Speak it into existence!

soz 4 the photo quality xx

The woes previously expressed in this post have been intermittent, broken up by good films, good gigs, good dancing seshes, good friends and the revival of my love of chess.

Highlights so far:

- All piling on to one persons bed to watch a film
- Girly chats in another persons bed
- Going to a gig and absolutely falling in love with the artist
- Seeing Twin Peaks twice and feeling all the energy and sense of community from everybody in the crowd
- Watching Queer Eye in bed after a night out and falling asleep with my housemate
- Leaving a night out early with the sole intention of making hash browns
- Getting absolutely smashed on an unplanned night to help my friend through her breakup
- Walking back from a night out at a ridicolous time of night and finding a massive tray with a million wheels attatched
- Deep chats on the walk to a party
- Watching Pride
- An impromptu cinema trip to boost my friends' spirit, secretly satisfying my craving of going to the cinema
- Listening to my friend retell a stroy of how she stole a giant pizza
- Games night at my friends house ending in her housemates returning back from a pub night incredibly drunk with a lot of stolen memrobilia
- Walking back from a movie night, slightly tipsy and seeing people in the takeout shop near my house, others running out and stumbling as they walk, all smiling and hearing their laughter through my headphones. I was listening to a perfect song, and everyone just seemed to be in their own bubble of happiness. It was just really lovely.
- Bonding with friends housemates
- Feeling disheartened by magnitudes of work so we booked tattoos to boost our spirits
- Celebrating fireworks night with a homemade bonfire and watching a crappy film
- Finding out there is a fat arcade in Leeds (I haven't been there yet, but god damn after exams catch me there suckers!!)
- Friendships getting stronger
- Wednesday nights when my housemate would get back from her cooking class and she'd show me what she had made and tell me all about it (why is my housemate the actual cutest bestest person ever)
- Swimming
- Going on sandwich runs
- Drinking redbull in the library at times no one should be in the library
- Popping into the kithcen to make a cup of tea and then spending hours with my house instead
- Watching The Boat That Rocked
- Being vulnerable with friends
- Playing chess with my friend only to find out he is a chess professional
- Spontaneous trips to the pub to play pool
- One of my lecturers had a lot of pizazz, always making a Monday morning lecture more enjoyable (but also more dissapointing when it wasn't him taking the lecture)
- Panicking about the strikes and being rescued by my friend instead
- Jazz nights
- Sunday night Planet Earth watching with my housemate
- So! Much! Dancing!
- Watching my friend cook carbonara after an unsuccessful library day and banging out some mad tunes
- Discovering the importance of honest conversation.

In retrospect, second year may be tough, but it has also been very sweet and I am very lucky to have such wonderful friends.