first crush

Isn't it insane how a song can transport you back in time, how no matter where you are, hearing one particular song can lead you to this refuge of youth within your brain that you forgot existed? There's a song from a film I saw when I was around 15, and on the rare occasion that song pops up on my shuffle I'm just taken back to a me that existed so long ago. It was a me who was confused and sad and hated school, yet after years of being the weird quiet girl I had made some friends. I was out with a group of friends and my crush, a crush we all knew existed yet only spoke about it in whispers as we waited for someone to make the first move. When I hear the song I just get sent back to that moment of us walking from town to the cinema, all of us spread far apart so it was just me and my crush walking together in the protection of the expanded group. It was warm and it was summer and I was excited and nervous- I hadn't had my first kiss yet and the practicalities of two people with braces kissing deeply concerned me. I was worried if we kissed we'd get stuck together and then everyone would find out about me and this person. When I hear the song I remember the way I walked, with my arms moving about more than usual in the hopes that our hands would touch and I could feel that buzz of heat and electricity again. I just remember feeling so excited, I was still young though- sex wasn't on my mind and I didn't know what dating truly was. All I knew was I had a crush that was reciprocated and that every time my skin grazed theirs I felt innocent bursts of euphoria. When I hear the song I remember how it felt when we had finally got the cinema and I was constantly moving so that my knee could brush theirs. When they finally grabbed my hand and drew patterns with their thumb against my palm I felt happiness burst inside me that momentarily hid all the sadness of the time.

Typing it out makes it feel like this one song reminds me of a lifetime, yet when I hear it there is just a fleeting sensation of youth and summer and a reminder of a crush so intense I thought it was going to drive me insane. I remember the happiness and excitement that encompassed my summer before a tough year. It just is weird how this song genuinely sends me back in time, sometimes so fast that it's as though it disturbs the now peaceful butterflies in my stomach. I don't speak to this person anymore, but every now and then we like each others photos on instagram and a few years ago I apologised for the way I ended things- it was young and stupid to them but they made an impact on my life. Now when I hear this song I can focus on the good, the naivety, the excitement- I can feel the summer that was tainted in my memory for so many years.

Peace out !
--ps, fun fact about the photo, taken back in the day, was going through my memory stick trying to see if I had any photos from that day, it was a long arduous process, I gave up and settled on this. How cool and edgy I used to be!

Reading Music Festival

Hey guys! This past weekend I went to Reading Music Festival and it was my first ever festival and let me tell you it was hectic. I had a really good time there and will definitely go again, but next time I have to be more prepared because somehow I ended up hardly seeing any of the bands I wanted to see. I got early bird tickets which meant going down on the Wednesday but I actually ended up going there on Friday because I had college induction days which I had to go to to ensure my place. which caused me to miss a lot of bands I wanted to see as well.

Not my photo. I got like 0 photos from Reading, I wish I had some cool festival ones but I don't so enjoy this from photo from here 

I had loads of bands I wanted to see and I was extremely unsuccessful in seeing them, however I did manage to see Royal Blood and Years and Years. I was desperate to go see The Wombats who I used to love when I was younger then forgot about them, then their album Glitterbug came out earlier this year and my love for them returned. I remember when I was around 9 or 10 on holiday my sister made CD's for the cars so we didn't have to listen to the spanish radio and their song 'Kill The Direction' was song number 5 on one of the CD's (I think it was CD number 4) and every time we got in the car I would request that song. Part of me is astonished I remember the CD and the track number but at the same time, I'm not really because I asked all the time

But yeah, I didn't get to see them because they were on quite a small stage and I was so far near the back (I wasn't even in the tent) and in a huge crowd surrounded by tall strangers and I couldn't see the screen. It was super cramped and could hardly hear them, although as I was walking away someone had fixed the sound so where I was I would have heard perfectly if I had been more patient. but by then it was too late. Plus when I say cramped, I was literally only standing up because I was wedged in between people and my face was smushed against someone's back. Lucky them. And I am not good in crowds so I was feeling very anxious anyway.

However, all the acts I did see were amazing, so I may not have seen everyone I wanted but there was no one that I walked away and thought 'what a waste of time'. My highlight was definitely seeing Y&Y though, they were amazing. Some of the people I saw includes Mumford And Sons, Alt J, The Macabees (I'm annoyed I didn't learn any of these peoples songs more because I love their sound and wish I listened to them before hand) Azealia Banks, Rebel Sound and a few various others.
At one point me and my friend were walking around and heard a song we knew, so we ran to this tent and sang along but we literally had no clue who these people were but somehow we knew their song. They did sound really good, but we still have no clue who they were.
 Also I have just started to listen to the band Glass Animals and I really like them and they were at Reading, but oh well I probably wouldn't have managed to see them anyway somehow!

From here 

I thought I would have hated the camping part, but it wasn't even that bad. Although I didn't realise how tired I was until I got home and got into bed and could hardly keep my eyes open for PLL. I did fall asleep in the car back too but I always fall asleep in cars to be fair. At night at Reading there were silent discos and oh my god they were so good. Each time I had to leave early for some reason, but I didn't mind because it was just so fun nothing could have ruined it. There were two channels on the headphones which you could switch between but it was just so fun because you would just hear over your music a group of people in the arena go 'OHHH' then you'd change the channel and hear a classic tune. It was all so fun.

All in all Reading was really good, but I hope next time I go I'm able to see more of the people I want to see. When I got back my sister said I should have just met up with her friend because she was seeing all the people I wanted to see; which was annoying but at the same time it's not like I didn't enjoy myself. I definitely recommend going to a music festival though, at least once in your life. Except maybe start off with a smaller one than Reading. It was an experience though and I am excited for whenever I am able to go next.

Have you ever been to Reading or any other music festival?